So it's been awhile since I have updated this blog. I guess the time has just gotten away from me. Since my last post when Cam's shunt malfunctioned, we have had alot of new things happening. For starters, Cam got diagnosed with RSV about two weeks after he had surgery for his shunt. That put us in the hospital for three days(not so fun)but thankfully he started getting better pretty quickly and it didn't get too bad. We had a few good weeks, and then one day Cam started crying uncontrollably, something he never does, and so we took him to the Dr. and sure enough his ear drum had ruptured and he had a really bad ear infection. However, besides the thirty minutes of crying he handled his ear infection like a pro. He didn't skip a beat, instead he just smiled on through it and was happy as a clam. We even made a trip to Fayettville for Paul's grandma Mavis's 85th birthday because he was acting completely fine. Then the week after that, when he seemed to be all better we decided to go to Florida to visit Paul's family for Easter. We left the Thursday before Easter, and drove, getting us to the sunshine state around 2 am. It was an uneventful drive on Cameron's part, but I was miserable. Earlier that morning I had been to the Dr's myself only to discover that I too had an ear infection and a sinus infection. So the drive for me was really long. Thankfully the rest of the trip went well and I started feeling better pretty quickly.
Florida was alot of fun. Cam had never been, and it was nice to finally get the chance to take him without surgery keeping us from traveling. We took Cam to the ocean while we were there. He didn't mind sitting in the sand watching the water, but the minute the tide came in and the water splashed him, he was done....he screamed and cried until we took him far away from the ocean and put him in his little beach chair. It was really sad watching him look so scared. Maybe next beach trip will bring a better outcome! Other than the beach experience, he seemed to love Florida. He was surrounded by people oohhing and ahhing over him, and spoiled rotten by his YaYa and Grandaddy.
Since my last post we also announced the exciting news to our friends and family that we are expecting another baby!! Another boy in fact. We found out in December, but didn't tell many people until I was 12 weeks, and we didn't mass announce it until a few weeks ago. I have had alot of mixed feelings so far during this pregnancy. At first I was over the moon excited because I felt so blessed to have another baby inside of me. Then I was struck with fear. Fear of everything I had told myself I wouldn't be afraid of because I knew I could handle anything. Unfortunately that isn't how the mind works. And when I really processed that I was pregnant, I became overwhelmed with the fear that something would go wrong or that the baby wouldn't be healthy, or that the baby would have Apert syndrome.
I know that sounds horrible. I mean how horrible would it be if the baby did have Apert syndrome? The best thing that has ever happened to me, has Apert Syndrome so why would I be so worried that I would have another baby with the same thing? It's embarassing for me to admit, but it's how I felt. I love Cam with everything I am and I wouldn't change him for anything in the world, and I don't feel sorry that I have a child with special needs. I do however hate what Apert Syndrome means for Cam. Because for the rest of my childs life he will be faced with surgeries, with adversity, and with challenges that can make an already cruel world even crueler. So that is why having another child with Apert Syndrome is so terrifying. No parent wants for their child to go through pain and suffering, and unfortunately that comes along with Cam's journey, and even though I have accepted his future I hate the things he has to go through, and to think that another child would have to go through that is scary for me. So in the beginning I had alot of fear and anxiety.
I didn't want to go through the real invasive testing, but I knew that my anxiety couldn't be controlled with just the typical pre natal care that women usually receive when there isn't a suspected problem. I was told by many Dr's and genetic Dr's that our chances of having another baby with Apert Syndrome was pretty much zero, but when you have been through certain experiences your mind has a hard time getting around that, and for me it was going to take more than just the 18 week ultrasound. So at 11 weeks I went to a high risk Dr. who did a nuchal translucency screening, testing for chromosomal abnormalities and they did an ultrasound. Then I had an ultrasound at 14 weeks with my regular Ob, and then at 17 weeks I had the follow up ultrasound with the high risk Ob. All tests and all ultrasounds went great and we found out that Cam will have a little brother come September! We have decided to name him Max, and we couldn't be more excited about this new life that is on it's way.
As for Cam, he is doing great! He has had a hard time getting rid of his ear infection so we have been on antibiotics for a while now, but his spirit is still the same old happy Cam. He has learned so many new things, and impresses me everyday with something new that he can do. He loves Elmo, and could watch Elmo's version of I'm sexy and I know it, called I'm Elmo and I know it everyday. He isn't walking on his own just yet, but is standing and oh so close to taking off without mommy or daddy's hand! He has a smile that could make the darkest day turn bright, and he truly is the biggest blessing in the world. Unfortunately, our strand of surgeries is far from over and come May 14th Cam will go for his 9th operation. He will be getting his first finger separation surgery. I am ready for this to be over with, but at the same time surgery is scary, and I hate handing him over. I thought it would get easier the more often I had to do it, but it's always the same. Handing him over tears my heart into and until he is back in my arms I ache for him, and constantly worry while he is away. It's a horrible feeling handing him over, and the thought of it makes my palms sweat, but it has to be done, and those fingers aren't going to separate themselves:) So come May we will head back to Boston where Dr. Joseph Upton will give Cam some fingers, so please say a prayer for my sweet boy to stay well until then, and for a successful, non-eventful surgery.
I'm sure I will update again before we head off for this surgery, mostly so that I can remind everyone to pray for my little angel! I don't necessarily believe that the more people praying means the more God will listen, but I figure it sure as heck can't hurt!!! I think that is all of the updates we have going on for right now. I'm grateful for all of you that read this blog and that love my little boy. It makes a mamas heart thankful to know there are people out there lifting up her most prized possession in prayer and in thought! So thank you for listening and for praying.
