Heading to Boston

It's that time again. Time to pack up and head up North to complete the rest of Cam's finger seperation. I am so NOT ready. But honestly, when it comes to surgery, I am never going to be ready. After Cam's last finger seperation, and having so much trouble after anesthesia, and having to spend an extra two days in the hospital when we should have only spent one, really has me anxious. I know he has to have it, but sometimes in my head I contemplate if he really  needs ten fingers....I mean he has three functioning ones, and as long as I don't have to send him to surgery I'm ok with that. But realistically I know this isn't even an option. He needs ten fingers, and unfortunatley they haven't come up with any other way to achieve that except with surgery. So in four short days I will send my sweet boy into the OR yet again to have yet another operation.

Sometimes I wonder about God's decision. I wonder how a precense so loving and pure could cause so much pain for such a wonderful child. But then I remember that Cameron wouldn't be Cameron without his journey. He wouldn't have 12 beautiful scars that I have memorized on his precious little body. He wouldn't be the amazing warrior that I am so in love with. Cameron was made for surgery. It's the hardest thing for me to come to terms with, but it is what it is. God made Cameron the exact way he wanted him to be. He put together his body to withstand all of his multiple journeys to the operating room. He gave him a head that wasn't perfectly put together, fingers and toes that need seperation, a stomach that didn't work quite right, ears too small, a nose too small, and a heart that needed a little tweaking. But he made Cameron in his perfect image. Even though I shudder when it's time for him to go to surgery, I know that God chose us to be a part of Camerons walk for a reason. Sometimes I'm not so sure what that reason is, but I know one day, I will know, and most of the time that comforts me. I would be lying if I said that I don't get on a pitty party tangent every now and again, because I DO! I feel sorry for myself, for Cameron, for Paul, and for Max. I feel sorry that I don't have a child that is the picture of health. I feel sorry that instead of going on fun family vacations I get to plan trips for surgeries. I sometimes cry because I'm jelous of the fact that others have multiple healthy children, and complain about silly things, when they have never experianced anything close to what our family goes through almost constantly. I still get angry occasionally that surgery is a continual part of my life. I go through those stages sometimes, but I will say that at the end of the day I couldn't be more grateful and blessed to be the mother of the bravest child I know. He is so amazing and wonderful and I truly have the most to be thankful for!

So onto Boston. We leave Sunday and our intended flight back is Thursday. Please pray for safe travels, especially with this tropical storm brewing. Also please pray that we manage with two kiddos this time! And please pray especially for Cameron. For his continued strength, and for this surgery to go smoothly and for the Dr's and nurses and all of the staff to be able to complete this finger seperation with no problems. I am excited for this part of the journey to almost be over. Excited that my sweet little boy is about to have ten fingers....FINALLY!!!! Thanks for loving us and praying for us. I will update once everything is all said and done!