DATE SET

So for the past 3 weeks or so I've been on hold with Boston. I had to have Brenner send all of Camerons information to them, and somwhere along the way it ended up taking forever before Boston finally recieved his echo and reports. But finally about two Friday's ago, a cardiologist from Boston called to talk to me about Cam. He was very kind and said that he agreed with the diagnosis from here, but felt that Cameron wouldn't be a candidate for the cath procedure because for his diagnosis they really don't have a cath procedure that has proved effective in completely treating it with one procedure. So the answer he gave us....dun dun dun....OPEN HEART SURGERY. Was I suprised? No. Cameron rarely takes the easiest route...he likes the trickier road. Was I dissappointed? Of course. I can't believe that my 14 month old will need heart surgery. It doesn't seem possible. or fair. Have I ever mentioned how crappy my kid has it? I can't say that I'm angry, because honestly I'm too sad to feel angry. I'm sad and scared. But I do have alot of faith in these Dr's in Boston. I have faith that even though i'm having a hard time understanding God's reasoning right now, that he has big plans for Cameron and so I am certain that his healing power will be with Cam. So the date has been set for November 10th. Seems so close yet my heart will skip beats until the day is finally here and over. Although I don't want to hand over my child for this surgery, since I know it has to happen, I want it done and over. I want to stop feeling so depressed, and I want to start enjoying life. Right now I publically put a smile on, but secretley I am screaming on the inside. What kind of wife and mother would I be if I just moped around my house all day? Or what kind of proffessional would I be if I went to work with a huge frown on my face? So I suck it up, and do what I have to do. I feel like I have no life. I have nothing to look forward to but surgery....and even though I cherish every single day I have with Cam, I can't help but want all of this behind me. The surgeries, the pain my sweet boy endures, and the constant heaviness i carry on my shoulders. I want it all gone! So NOVEMBER 10th!!! LET'S DO THIS!