I bring no picture along with today's post....just words. Last weekend my grandmother was taken to the hospital because my mother expected that she had suffered a stroke. She was acting a little strange, and the left side of her body seemed to look a little different. So off to our local hospital they went. After a stroke evaluation and a CT scan it was determined that she had a large mass of some sort on her right frontal lobe. So she and my mother were told to head to Winston where she could be evaluated by specialist. So on Friday they arrived at Wake Forest Hospital, and by 3:30 that morning they had completed an MRI that determined that she did in fact have a large mass on her brain and that they wouldn't know what kind or how severe until they did surgery. So at 6:30 Sunday morning they wheeled her away for what would be a 9 hour surgery. That evening as she was transferred to the ICU after the surgery, the neurosurgeon came to speak with our family telling us that what they had found wasn't good news. On her right frontal lobe she did have a mass, and it was CANCER. Not just any cancer.......the worst you could possibly have...something called Glioblastoma. This type of cancer is very aggressive and causes little tendrils to wrap around your brain. It is not curable, and doesn't have a survival rate.
WHAT?????????? Our 61 year old, perfectly healthy, wonderful grandmother has what? We were all in shock, and terrified. The neurosurgeon continued to talk about statistics and that without treatment it holds an average of 3 months survival rate, and with treatment the average survival time is one year. It is still hard to believe. It's still impossible to be told that you are going to lose someone you love so much. But that is where we stand. She was released from the hospital yesterday, with a smile on her face and a giant scar across her freshly shaven head. She's a fighter right? But how can you fight something that is ultimately going to kill you? GOD is good right? But why does he let these things happen to such good people? I know that is somewhat of a rhetorical question...everyone that is going through a hard time says this...and at the end of the day, there are alot of people that are suffering asking the same thing...but when these things continue to happen in your life...I think, at least for me, I struggle with remembering that God is good.
After we found out about Cameron, and I hated life, and then regained my faith, I remember praying that if God put this in my life then he would give me the strength I needed to get through it. So When Cameron was born, I prayed that the things Cameron was going through was to make us stronger in our faith, and bring us closer to God, and it did! And even now as Cameron is developing and growing, my prayers are that he is going through what he has to go through for a reason. But then we are hit with this!!! This year has just been so difficult, and just when we are at the point where we are praising God for the good, we get hit with something else, something horrible, and something that makes us cry..."God you are supposed to be GOOD....where is the good in this, WHERE?"
Our grandmother has spent the last 6 years of her life taking care of our grandfather who had Alzheimer's. He was unable to care for himself, and caused alot of strain on her. But she did it gracefully and with a smile on her face. She gave him all she had, until he passed away 2 years ago. Now that she is finally able to regain her life, and enjoy herself, she is hit with this. IT'S JUST NOT FAIR. We are still in limbo as to what her decision will be about treatment. Of course we all want her to take the treatment because non of us can bare the thought of loosing her in 3 months, but the treatment is grueling, and hard, and even if she does live for a year it would be filled with Dr's and chemo, and therapy. But we have read about people that have lived longer. That have beat the odds. And although there is no cure and they do eventually pass away, they have a few good years left. So we are encouraging, but leaving the decision up to her.
Deep down I know that God is good. I know that he has a plan, and that through this experience we will grow closer to him.....I know this. But right now my heart doesn't feel this. All I feel is sadness and heartache. I'm confused, and honestly I'm in doubt. So for all of you readers out there that have been through these bad times, and you now have that closeness with God, send up a prayer for our family.....most importantly our sweet, precious grandmother. God is the ultimate healer and a miracle would be......well just that....a miracle.
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